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hi all, 4th April 2010 well the heading says it all. I am on my way back to the himalaya. right now as i write to everyone i am sitting in a inet cafe typing out this message in bangkok. first of all i apologise to everyone for not being in contact for such a long long time. it's been 2 yrs since i last climbed in the himalaya. my last expedition was to a mountain called Makalu (8462m).for 6 weeks i battled my way up and down the mountain before finally getting a break in the weather and conditions to make a bid for the summit. through the whole climb i had been strong and healthy, 2 of the most important things and hardest things to control. my sherpa and i climbed up to high camp in beautiful sunny and hot conditions. the weather was forecasted to be the same the following day.all looked good. 10pm we woke up and began the the 3hr process of getting clothed, fed and hydrated. no matter how many times i do this it never gets any easier or pleasant. it really is miserable. your cold, tired, feel like you want to got to sleep and not get out of your sleeping bag. funny though because you have just spent 5 hrs in your sleeping bag trying too but unable to sleep. just constantly watching the clock until it's time to get ready for the summit. finally we were ready and left the relative safety of our tent. into the cold cold night and up the mountain. it was almost 2 yrs ago now, but i remember vividly just how damn cold it was. for hours i battled the cold. trying to keep my hands warm, trying to keep my feet warm. everytime my toes went numb i would have to stop and stamp my feet to try warm them up, and bring life into my deadened toes. then my fingers would freeze. again i would have to stop. and beat my hands against my thigh. spin my arms around in windmills. trying to force the blood back into my frozen fingers as my body shuts the circulation down in my hands trying to conserve energy and heat for my torso and vital organs. the night and the darkness it brings seemed to last forever. never have i been so happy to see the sun come up. i had made great progress. climbed half way to the summit and gained to long final ridge that is the "yellow brick road" to the summit. i thought i had the summit in my back pocket. never have i been so wrong. as i gained the ridge i decided to sit down and take a little break. climbing without oxygen i was so happy to warm up in the early morning sun. there was not a breathe of wind. the skies were clear. i was climbing strong. really strong. when you are passing climbers that are using oxygen..well you now things are going good. before preparing to leave for the summit ridge i decided to lighten my load. i took out my sat phone, camera and 1 bottle of drink to climb with to the summit. the rest i left in my back pack at the start of the ridge to be pick up on the way back down. foolishly i took off my full faced balaclava also. figured i did not need it anymore. plus i wanted to make sure i was not wearing it should i summit. i had always laughed at other climbers summit photos when they were wearing full faced balaclava's and goggles. so when they had their photos taken you could not tell that it was even them. i wanted my open face balaclava. so i could look good on the summit. i figured i would sacrifice open face protection as they coldest part of the time was behind me. or so i though. this was my biggest mistake of the whole expedition. clipping in to the first section of ropes i looked up to the ridge and saw a small circular spindrift funnel up into the air. this is usually a sign of strong winds. i made a mental note to keep an eye on this. i was climbing on the lower part of the ridge and still relatively protected from the wind. and it struck me as unusual that spindrift should be getting blown around consider there had been no wind all morning. by the time i got to the ridge 20mins later the wind was howling. i had been climbing with my sunglasses on. i always prefer to climb with sunglasses. it's just a personal thing. within seconds of being hit my my first gust of wind and spindrift my sunglasses instantly froze up. fortunately i always carry goggle's aswell. so i was forced to change my eyewear. within 5mins the wind had doubled in strength. other climbers that had been in front of me were turning around and retreating. i spoke with my sherpa, tashi. asked him what he thought. we both agreed that if we climbed smart we could make it. the wind was gale force in strength but the sun was out. maybe this gave me a false sense of security. maybe i thought with the sun out shining i would be ok. i should have known better. in 2003 on cho oyu (8201m) i froze 9 of my fingers on one of the sunniest days i have ever climbed in .how??? the wind. the wind will get you every time. tashi and i formulated a plan. the wind would blow for few minutes. then subsided for a few minutes. when it ebated we would climb as quickly and high as we would. when the wind would pick up again we would seek shelter beyond what ever protection we could find. this worked well for about an hour. climb, wait,hide, climb, wait,hide,climb. over and over again. each time i was trying to push my climbing time a little more. a little bit longer each time. which meant that sometimes i would be climbing up in the hurricane force winds. which in hindsight was not the smartest of strategies. not always the strongest climber is the most successful climber. sometimes it is the smartest climber that succeeds. well i am strong. of that i am sure. i am also foolishly proud and stubborn.i have known to sometimes do things a little too much from the heart and so enough from the head. pushing up at about 8250m. a mere 1-2hrs from the summit we weaved our way along the summit ridge. the wind was now getting stronger and more constant. climbing across a short open section high on the ridge i got hit by a gust of wind that picked me up and threw me 3-4 metres sideways and into the rocky ridge. i was stunned. completely shocked. no idea what had just happened. it took me a few seconds to collect myself and get back on my feet. i made my way over to a rock that offered a little shelter. tashi was already there. hunched over with his back to the wind and spindrift that was roaring around us in every direction imaginable.i wont lie. for the first time in as long as i can remember, i was scared. i have been climbing for a long long time. been in some really dangerous situations and positions. but never have i even been subjected to or witness the ferocity of mother nature like i just had. she literally picked me up and did what she wanted to do with me like a plastic bag in the wind. it was humbling and made me all of a sudden realise just how small i was clinging onto the top of this himalayan monster of a mountain at the mercy of mother nature. i was happy to have a moment to collect my thoughts and catch my breathe. tash i and i spoke. everyone with the exception of a few climbers that were an hour or so ahead of me had turned around. tashi and i were yelling in each other's ears so we could hear each other speak. such was the strength of the wind. as the wind hit the ridge it was ripping the loose snow and ice crystals along the ridge. the noise was flat out frightening. just hammering along the ridge. mother nature seemed angry and was taking it out on makalu and whoever happened to be on her high slopes at the time. i was talking to tashi but instead of putting his ear to close to my mouth to hear what i was saying. instead he was just staring at me. at first i did not think much of it. then as it continued was worried that something was wrong with him. tashi put his hand on my arm and came close to my ear and said, " blair, you have ice on your nose". i did not need to hear this twice. i reached up and touched my nose with my bulky and awkward mitts and 5 liner gloves under them. i had been checking my nose,as i had no facial protection, regularly. problem was that it was hard to feel my nose, and the fact that i was wearing goggles. it made it had to distinguish the difference between what i was actually touching. my nose or the goggles. this was my mistake. i had been touching something hard. i thought it was the goggle frame. in actual fact it was my frozen nose.i looked in the reflection of tashi's goggles. it was then i could see that there was a solid cap of ice completely covering my nose. "oh god" is all i could think. panic struck me. to lose fingers or toes is one thing. but to lose my nose. that would unimaginable. i looked to the summit which was so close now. i could see other climbers approaching the top. i felt strong. i climbing well. but to continue on was not an option. to summit and come back with a damaged and frostbitten nose in my opinion was not an option. and even though i may have made the summit. but in my mind the expedition would have been a failure. the mountain was not going anywhere. i could always come back another time. but to lose my nose? that was not an option. i took one last look at the summit and turned around and started climbing back down. my expedition was over. now exhaustion hit me. maybe it was more a case of all this hard work coming to an end and coming back with nothing. i had no protection for my face. the wind was still howling and i was scared. i could not climb down fast enough. in my mind i knew i had to get down as fast as possible. but my body kept telling me it was tired. kept wanting to sitting down in the snow and rest. tashi kept willing me to keep going, "fast blair.fast.your nose blair" i was petrified i would lose my nose. that it would have to be cut off. i was caught between trying to get down as soon as possible, and also trying to protect my nose as much i as i could.i could not help but think about how stupid i had just been. if i just kept my balaclava on none of this would have happened. i had been cocky, thought i had the mountain climbed. thought i had the summit in the bag. all because i left a balaclava in my backpack to try save some weight. a balaclava weighs at 50grams. my nose for 50grams. what an incredibly stupid thing to do. to make matters worse the strong winds had buried my backpack with lose snow. we finally got to the bottom of the ridge and could not find my backpack. at this stage i really did not care . all i wanted to do was get myself down and into the safety of our tent in high camp. i was exhausted. i could barely climb a few metres at a time. then have to sit and rest in the snow. it definately did not help that i was now on my way down. unsuccessful and with frostbite. i think in hindsight i was more mentally exhausted then physically. having had frostbite before. and knowing firsthand just how long it takes to heal. all i could think of was the long long long road ahead. i really had to keeping focusing on the fact that i was on the side of a very very dangerous mountain. and still 2 full days from making it back to the safety of base camp. my climb was far from over. in fact it had almost only just begun. fortunately i did make it down, and i did make it back to safety. 6 months later in australia with all of my frostbitten toes healed, i under went surgery to repair my frostbitten nose. composite grafts were taken from my ears and stitched into my nose. it has taken time but things are back on track and my nose, although scared looks relatively normal. some say it has made an improvement.lol!!!! so it's time to go back to where it all happened. so many people have asked me why? why would you want to go back? you have been there before. you got hurt, but you made it back and got on with your life. why risk it again? to this i have no answer. i cant give a some magical response that will clarify why i do things to everyone. help them understand just why i would take the chance of hurting myself again, or possibly not come back at all. this is a personal thing for me. a personal journey. i don't climb for others. i don't do this so i can brag to people about what i have done, the mountains i have summitted or the altitudes i have reached. when i go to climb a mountain. when i leave for an expedition there is only one altitude that is important to me...the summit. anything other than that is irrelevant. if i don't summit then i know that i am just going to have to go back and try again.i only climb the mountains that i want to climb. that interest me. and if i do not fulfill my objective, and have to go back. then that's ok too. just going to make things all the more satisfying when i do achieve my goal and i am successful. someone who used to very close to me is not really happy about me going back to a place that hurt me and caused me so much pain and problems in my life. i know she does this because she worries about me. and i wish i could explain why i am going back. why i am taking such a huge risk at losing this comfortable life that i have right now. problem is. her or anyone that knows me should also know that this is not what i am about. i am not happy with just being comfortable or getting by. i need to challenge myself and how i live my life. and unless i am doing this...well i am not truelly content. hopefully this will make a little sense to those of you reading this email . i am not in love with danger, or the idea of hurting myself. i am in love with the idea of living my life to it's fullest.110% every single day i am on this big beautiful planet. i leave for kathmandu in a few days. have a week there preparing things for the climb. then on to makalu...take 2. i will have my email with me on the mountain. so please feel free to email me on blair@myeverest.com please try to keep the message brief and short as it is costly to download all messages i recieve. i will be updating my website/blog while i am on the mountain. please go to www.blair8000.com and click on "latest climb" to follow my updates. once again i thanks all of you for your support over the years and future.and look forward to catching up with all of you soon. until then this is blair,back where he is happiest,signing off. |
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